God says in His Word to love your neighbor as yourself. Do you love yourself? I’m not talking about being selfish. What I mean is do you know how God created you special and unique so that you can take care of yourself in order to love others? You will be able to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love others when you know your value in Christ and how He created you.
Over the next few posts I will be writing about how we can be empowered to love others by knowing and taking care of ourselves.
First you need to know your love language. Then you need to be able to communicate how you feel loved to the people in your life. When you know your primary love language then you can learn how others in your life feel most loved. God has created each of us in a special way to feel loved. The book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman helps you to discover your love language.
It’s critical to have your love tank full to love those around us. If our love tank is on empty it’s hard to love others. Look at the following list to determine how you feel loved. Talk about your love language with those in you life to ensure they love you in that way.
When I have not been affirmed by my husband for awhile I will sweetly say to him, "Honey, I really need to have my love tank filled with some affirming words." We always make it a gentle reminder. I'm aware that he feels loved by my hugging him, which I try to remember to do often. Although, physical touch is not supposed to mean sex I noticed my hugs used to lean to misunderstandings. Now, we know the days of the week that we will be intimate, which causes less confusion and no rejection.
What's your love language?
Acts of Service: Do you feel most loved when someone does something for you? When someone does your laundry, do you feel like they care for you? Your love language could be acts of service if you feel special when someone makes you dinner, cleans the house, or runs an errand to make your life easier.
Quality Time: Do you feel loved when someone spends time with you? Do you feel appreciated, valued, and special when someone invests time in a conversation with you? Is it important and special for you to go to lunch or just sit on the couch to talk with a friend or family member one on one?
Physical Touch: Do you feel most loved when you get a hug? Do you like to have your back rubbed or your arm lightly touched as you sit in front of the TV. What about holding hands? How does that make you feel? Physical touch is not about sex, it's about feeling loved by being touched.
Gifts: Do you appreciate the thoughtfulness of a gift. This can be a card, a box of candy or something more extravagant. Usually the person who is loved by gifts lights up with the smallest token that says I thought about you.
Affirmation: Everyone wants to hear positive words of encouragement and praise. Some people thrive on affirming words. Their love tank is filled with compliments. The opposite happens when we use discouraging words and put downs. This person will take those negative words and feel defeated and unloved.
What do people do for you that makes you feel special and appreciated?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Marriage Tips...For Life
- Do not finish his or her sentence. James 1:19 says, My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
- Do not agree to spend money and then make your spouse feel guilty. If finances are tight then be honest with your concerns. Jesus says in Matthew 5:37, Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love,
- Do not think of a comeback to your argument as he or she speaks. Proverbs 1:5, let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance- Ephesians 4:29, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
- Do not think that taking care of only your needs will meet hers or his. "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.” Philippians 2:3-4.
- Do not put your spouse in a time-out or treat her inferior. Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
- Do not be sarcastic or a mocker. Proverbs 9:12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Dear Nana
Guilt, regret, shame, despair must have tugged at your heart keeping you in pain, separated from your children and later your grandchildren. Over the years, never involved in your son’s life, I rarely saw you. I never had the grandmother that my friends had for dinner or spent the weekend with.
Life changed for you with your children and husband gone, your outer beauty faded, yet the lingering memories remained of choices made. Remarried to a man bedridden with Parkinson’s you cared for him until his death, maybe an attempt to redeem the years of self-absorption. I hope you found true love realizing your value doesn’t come from performing in bed, but living life serving others, making choices without regret based upon God’s word, and knowing His unfailing love for you.
I observed you in your wheelchair a grandmother I once longed to hold dear to my heart. In my early twenties, at the time, I struggled for the words to say in my superficial conversation. Preparing to return home with my husband I said good bye with plans to visit. Years passed and I never did.
My father called to inform me of your death. I stopped working at my desk. For a moment I listened. Would I go to your memorial servic? My life was busy building my career, pregnant with my first child, buying my first home. I had no time to mourn your loss, a woman unknown to me. But today, ten years later I wept the loss of an opportunity to reach out to a lonely woman related to me, imprisoned to a chair, longing to be loved and forgiven. I mourned for my father whose selfish daughter was unavailable during his time of loss.
From you I learned that choices impact generations. The consequences of promiscuity caused unborn children to be sacrificed by abortion. Your spouse and children were victims of abandonment through your emotional detachment and betrayal, ripped apart forever through the devastation of divorce. The legacy of infidelity and divorce passed down to your son influenced another generation; shaping society around me, my children and theirs.
Aware of your mistakes I make the choice to change the pattern set before me. I follow a narrow path. I no longer condemn you for I could have easily fallen into the same temptation, but the truth has set me free, empowered by the Spirit, my old ways are gone. I stand a new woman no longer a little girl looking for a father's love through sexual immorality.
Nana, your frail body just an outer shell of a hurting soul wounded from a past that no one will ever understand. Only God can fully know how deep the suffering brought your way of choices made. From Him a plan of healing that surpasses earthly wisdom is granted to all that choose to follow. Now, gone to a place uncertain, you leave behind your pain that others bare with lessons to be learned. Grateful for the life brought through your son, my father, I live today. Forgive me my neglect, for not reaching out to you, to show you mercy and compassion, for I had none to give.
Remembering you,
Your Grandaughter
Life changed for you with your children and husband gone, your outer beauty faded, yet the lingering memories remained of choices made. Remarried to a man bedridden with Parkinson’s you cared for him until his death, maybe an attempt to redeem the years of self-absorption. I hope you found true love realizing your value doesn’t come from performing in bed, but living life serving others, making choices without regret based upon God’s word, and knowing His unfailing love for you.
I observed you in your wheelchair a grandmother I once longed to hold dear to my heart. In my early twenties, at the time, I struggled for the words to say in my superficial conversation. Preparing to return home with my husband I said good bye with plans to visit. Years passed and I never did.
My father called to inform me of your death. I stopped working at my desk. For a moment I listened. Would I go to your memorial servic? My life was busy building my career, pregnant with my first child, buying my first home. I had no time to mourn your loss, a woman unknown to me. But today, ten years later I wept the loss of an opportunity to reach out to a lonely woman related to me, imprisoned to a chair, longing to be loved and forgiven. I mourned for my father whose selfish daughter was unavailable during his time of loss.
From you I learned that choices impact generations. The consequences of promiscuity caused unborn children to be sacrificed by abortion. Your spouse and children were victims of abandonment through your emotional detachment and betrayal, ripped apart forever through the devastation of divorce. The legacy of infidelity and divorce passed down to your son influenced another generation; shaping society around me, my children and theirs.
Aware of your mistakes I make the choice to change the pattern set before me. I follow a narrow path. I no longer condemn you for I could have easily fallen into the same temptation, but the truth has set me free, empowered by the Spirit, my old ways are gone. I stand a new woman no longer a little girl looking for a father's love through sexual immorality.
Nana, your frail body just an outer shell of a hurting soul wounded from a past that no one will ever understand. Only God can fully know how deep the suffering brought your way of choices made. From Him a plan of healing that surpasses earthly wisdom is granted to all that choose to follow. Now, gone to a place uncertain, you leave behind your pain that others bare with lessons to be learned. Grateful for the life brought through your son, my father, I live today. Forgive me my neglect, for not reaching out to you, to show you mercy and compassion, for I had none to give.
Remembering you,
Your Grandaughter
Friday, February 12, 2010
What is Love?
“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.” Proverbs 3:3,4.
What is love? It’s such an abstract word. There are times we can feel the emotion of love towards someone whom we adore or we are infatuated with, yet these feelings will fade when we have unmet expectations and disappointments. We can decide to love a person who’s not lovable. Love wants the best for someone. Love is a decision not a feeling.
The Bible explains that by being patient and kind we love someone. We demonstrate love by not being jealous, but rejoicing for what other’s have materially, successfully, or in their appearance. We show love when we are humble and grateful. Love is respectful to everyone and generous. Love doesn’t get angry over small things and love keeps no record of the wrong doing of others. In other words discuss the problem, wipe the slate clean, and move on with forgiveness. Love delights in good and rejoices with the truth. Love protects you and others. Love is able to trust people. Love has hope for others to do better and hope of a better tomorrow. Love perseveres through the difficult times.
The first four commandments describe how we are to love God. The remaining six commandments describe how we are to love one another. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment of them all is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
God loves us. In His perfect love he was willing to sacrifice his own desires to do what was best for us, which was to take all our sin upon himself, pouring out his blood on our behalf. For two thousand years God prepared his people by having them sacrifice a perfect lamb for the atonement of sin. Jesus came to us to die, paying the penalty for our past, present and future bad choices, mistakes we made in our ignorance, and our direct disobedience of his Word. His death allows us to live in Heaven once we believe that He saved us from an eternal death by inviting him into our heart. Jesus is the perfect Lamb of God paid for the atonement of our sin.
People matter to God and people should matter to us. Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Jesus went to the cross because of his love for us when we were still rebellious and against him.
Do you love Jesus for what He did for you?
Do you love others as much as yourself?
The Adventure of Living
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thes.5:16-18.
Each of us faces an exciting adventure through this journey called life. We confront life and death, loving and rebellious children, financial freedom and despair, faithfulness and betrayal, and good and bad health. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Along the journey of everyday life we can participate in escapades in far off lands and adventures close to home.
Right in front of my eyes is the thrill of a lifetime when I slow down to notice a hug from my child, the smell of a beautiful rose, the sincerity of a friend, the warmth of a blanket, and the sweet taste of watermelon. I’ve realized that all the gifts around me could be gone tomorrow.
When I almost lost my child to leukemia I discovered the privilege of having my family, church, and friends who all rallied around me in my time of need. I recognized the blessing of my relationships realizing I can’t assume tomorrow will come for anyone of us.
I’m learning to cherish each day as though it was my last; the last time to see my loved ones, the last time to see the beauty of a butterfly, the last time to use my legs to walk, the last time to come home, the last meal to eat, the last time to sleep in my comfortable bed. I thank God daily for the beautiful gifts he gives me in this adventure called life.
Questions for Discussion:
• What is the most rewarding adventure in your life?
• Where was your favorite place to visit far from home or nearby?
• What has been the most difficult adventure in your life?
• Did you have hope of a better tomorrow?
• What gave you strength to endure the difficult times?
• Have you ever had financial struggles?
• What do you appreciate the most about your life?
• How has God blessed you?
Suggestions for Nonverbal Communication:
Good body language builds self esteem in the person we’re communicating with by saying with our actions “you’re important to me”. Give warm approving gestures as in a nod of the head, pleasant facial expressions, open stance with uncrossed arms, and focused eye contact.
Each of us faces an exciting adventure through this journey called life. We confront life and death, loving and rebellious children, financial freedom and despair, faithfulness and betrayal, and good and bad health. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Along the journey of everyday life we can participate in escapades in far off lands and adventures close to home.
Right in front of my eyes is the thrill of a lifetime when I slow down to notice a hug from my child, the smell of a beautiful rose, the sincerity of a friend, the warmth of a blanket, and the sweet taste of watermelon. I’ve realized that all the gifts around me could be gone tomorrow.
When I almost lost my child to leukemia I discovered the privilege of having my family, church, and friends who all rallied around me in my time of need. I recognized the blessing of my relationships realizing I can’t assume tomorrow will come for anyone of us.
I’m learning to cherish each day as though it was my last; the last time to see my loved ones, the last time to see the beauty of a butterfly, the last time to use my legs to walk, the last time to come home, the last meal to eat, the last time to sleep in my comfortable bed. I thank God daily for the beautiful gifts he gives me in this adventure called life.
Questions for Discussion:
• What is the most rewarding adventure in your life?
• Where was your favorite place to visit far from home or nearby?
• What has been the most difficult adventure in your life?
• Did you have hope of a better tomorrow?
• What gave you strength to endure the difficult times?
• Have you ever had financial struggles?
• What do you appreciate the most about your life?
• How has God blessed you?
Suggestions for Nonverbal Communication:
Good body language builds self esteem in the person we’re communicating with by saying with our actions “you’re important to me”. Give warm approving gestures as in a nod of the head, pleasant facial expressions, open stance with uncrossed arms, and focused eye contact.
A Choice
Every choice has a consequence, good or bad, that directly touches many lives. Those lives touched can be future generations. My grandfather impacted me with the decision he made in handling the loss of his wife. Feeling incapable of raising his two daughters he chose to move to Oregon to let his sister-in-law, Daisy, and brother-in-law raise them.
Daisy, a career woman, never wanted children. She had been abandoned to relatives by her mother and father during her school years growing up. Their intentions may have been good wanting her to have a proper education by going to the city school of Penora, Iowa instead of the local country school, but Daisy felt rejected by her distant parents.
At thirteen when Daisy lost her mother to breast cancer. Her father permanently abandoned her to relatives when he found another woman to marry with children of her own. Daisy had not been nurtured by her mother prior to her death nor was she nurtured by her grandparents and aunt, on her mother’s side of the family, when she moved in with them after her father remarried.
It follows then that Daisy would not be the nurturing mother figure for her two nieces after their mother’s death. Admired for the sacrifice she made to raise them, she was unable to emotionally give them the comfort, empathy, and closeness they needed growing up without a mother. Daisy followed the pattern demonstrated by her role models.
It only makes sense then that Daisy’s niece, Patricia, raised her three children much the same way as Daisy raised her. Discovering Daisy’s past history and the way Daisy raised my mother, Patricia, I have evaluated my own mothering techniques. I have chosen to stay home with my children instead of working outside the home as my mother and Daisy did. I’m now at home available to give my children the emotional and physical attention they need.
Unfortunately, I was unaware of my parenting style when my four year old daughter told me, “Mommy, you love this house more than you love me.” Ouch. That hurt! Thankfully Kayla was perceptive and verbal to share her thoughts with me. I began to change my emphasis from being neurotic about a clean house to putting more focus on my relationships with my children.
We have a choice to make when we recognize a pattern of behavior that has been passed down from past generations. When my daughter Kayla told me that I loved the house more than I loved her I had to look at why she would say such a thing. I saw the pattern of neglect and I began to slowly change with God’s help. With four kids and two dogs I made the choice to let go of the clean house and focus on my children!
Questions for Discussion:
• Are you aware of doing something that has been passed on from prior generations?
• Can you think of something your grandfather or grandmother did that you might do, good or bad?
• Have you stopped a cycle of destructive behavior?
• Do you see your children doing something you do?
• Did you ever put more emphasis on doing things instead of investing in relationships?
• What did you learn from your role models that you’re proud of?
Suggestions for Change:
Think about the things you do that your parents did. Ask God to help you through a prayer like David’s in Psalm 139:22-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Daisy, a career woman, never wanted children. She had been abandoned to relatives by her mother and father during her school years growing up. Their intentions may have been good wanting her to have a proper education by going to the city school of Penora, Iowa instead of the local country school, but Daisy felt rejected by her distant parents.
At thirteen when Daisy lost her mother to breast cancer. Her father permanently abandoned her to relatives when he found another woman to marry with children of her own. Daisy had not been nurtured by her mother prior to her death nor was she nurtured by her grandparents and aunt, on her mother’s side of the family, when she moved in with them after her father remarried.
It follows then that Daisy would not be the nurturing mother figure for her two nieces after their mother’s death. Admired for the sacrifice she made to raise them, she was unable to emotionally give them the comfort, empathy, and closeness they needed growing up without a mother. Daisy followed the pattern demonstrated by her role models.
It only makes sense then that Daisy’s niece, Patricia, raised her three children much the same way as Daisy raised her. Discovering Daisy’s past history and the way Daisy raised my mother, Patricia, I have evaluated my own mothering techniques. I have chosen to stay home with my children instead of working outside the home as my mother and Daisy did. I’m now at home available to give my children the emotional and physical attention they need.
Unfortunately, I was unaware of my parenting style when my four year old daughter told me, “Mommy, you love this house more than you love me.” Ouch. That hurt! Thankfully Kayla was perceptive and verbal to share her thoughts with me. I began to change my emphasis from being neurotic about a clean house to putting more focus on my relationships with my children.
We have a choice to make when we recognize a pattern of behavior that has been passed down from past generations. When my daughter Kayla told me that I loved the house more than I loved her I had to look at why she would say such a thing. I saw the pattern of neglect and I began to slowly change with God’s help. With four kids and two dogs I made the choice to let go of the clean house and focus on my children!
Questions for Discussion:
• Are you aware of doing something that has been passed on from prior generations?
• Can you think of something your grandfather or grandmother did that you might do, good or bad?
• Have you stopped a cycle of destructive behavior?
• Do you see your children doing something you do?
• Did you ever put more emphasis on doing things instead of investing in relationships?
• What did you learn from your role models that you’re proud of?
Suggestions for Change:
Think about the things you do that your parents did. Ask God to help you through a prayer like David’s in Psalm 139:22-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Friday, February 5, 2010
Empowered to Love
My life changed when I discovered God's love for me. For years I lived emotionally detached, numb to the world around me, hiding my feelings behind a facade. Past shame, unforgiveness, and fear prevented me from loving God, others and myself, until He revealed himself to me. I accepted His sacrifice on my behalf to experience His forgiveness, His joy and His peace in the midst of my struggles. I have tasted and seen the things of God.
He pursues us wanting nothing more than our love for Him and for others. We are chosen. Once we meet Him at the well, we experience His living water, we never thirst again. He quenches our desire for the things of this world, we have eyes to see the needs of others, we are the love of Jesus to those put in our path moment by moment. We bless the clerk at the grocery store with a conversation that says we care, we give to the needy as millions have done in Haiti, we comfort the broken hearted who have lost loved ones, we speak words of encouragement and affirm those in our life. We demonstrate His love for His name sake.
Once we experience Him personally we are forever changed. His love motivates us to love others. Equipped with the Holy Spirit to love the unlovable, to love as Jesus did, we push on even when we fall. We have a choice. Do we believe His great and precious promises, do we seek to find Him day by day, or do we forget and reject what He has done for you and me?
Be empowered to love as you discover what prevents you from loving. Learn ways to love yourself, to conquer fear, and forgive those who hurt you. Discover the way God designed you and shaped you for the purpose to love. Attend my eight week class at the Rock church in San Diego on Monday nights 6:30-8:30, Feb.1 through Mar. 22. Sign-up to attend one or all eight at the Rock University website today. Unable to attend? Look for future details. May God pour His blessings upon you as you love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31).
He pursues us wanting nothing more than our love for Him and for others. We are chosen. Once we meet Him at the well, we experience His living water, we never thirst again. He quenches our desire for the things of this world, we have eyes to see the needs of others, we are the love of Jesus to those put in our path moment by moment. We bless the clerk at the grocery store with a conversation that says we care, we give to the needy as millions have done in Haiti, we comfort the broken hearted who have lost loved ones, we speak words of encouragement and affirm those in our life. We demonstrate His love for His name sake.
Once we experience Him personally we are forever changed. His love motivates us to love others. Equipped with the Holy Spirit to love the unlovable, to love as Jesus did, we push on even when we fall. We have a choice. Do we believe His great and precious promises, do we seek to find Him day by day, or do we forget and reject what He has done for you and me?
Be empowered to love as you discover what prevents you from loving. Learn ways to love yourself, to conquer fear, and forgive those who hurt you. Discover the way God designed you and shaped you for the purpose to love. Attend my eight week class at the Rock church in San Diego on Monday nights 6:30-8:30, Feb.1 through Mar. 22. Sign-up to attend one or all eight at the Rock University website today. Unable to attend? Look for future details. May God pour His blessings upon you as you love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31).
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