The Faith Coach

How Do You Feel Loved?

2010-03-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

God says in His Word to love your neighbor as yourself. Do you love yourself? I’m not talking about being selfish. What I mean is do you know how God created you special and unique so that you can take care of yourself in order to love others? You will be able to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love others when you know your value in Christ and how He created you.

Over the next few posts I will be writing about how we can be empowered to love others by knowing and taking care of ourselves.

First you need to know your love language. Then you need to be able to communicate how you feel loved to the people in your life. When you know your primary love language then you can learn how others in your life feel most loved. God has created each of us in a special way to feel loved. The book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman helps you to discover your love language.

It’s critical to have your love tank full to love those around us. If our love tank is on empty it’s hard to love others. Look at the following list to determine how you feel loved. Talk about your love language with those in you life to ensure they love you in that way.

When I have not been affirmed by my husband for awhile I will sweetly say to him, "Honey, I really need to have my love tank filled with some affirming words." We always make it a gentle reminder. I'm aware that he feels loved by my hugging him, which I try to remember to do often. Although, physical touch is not supposed to mean sex I noticed my hugs used to lean to misunderstandings. Now, we know the days of the week that we will be intimate, which causes less confusion and no rejection.

What's your love language?

Acts of Service: Do you feel most loved when someone does something for you? When someone does your laundry, do you feel like they care for you? Your love language could be acts of service if you feel special when someone makes you dinner, cleans the house, or runs an errand to make your life easier.

Quality Time: Do you feel loved when someone spends time with you? Do you feel appreciated, valued, and special when someone invests time in a conversation with you? Is it important and special for you to go to lunch or just sit on the couch to talk with a friend or family member one on one?

Physical Touch: Do you feel most loved when you get a hug? Do you like to have your back rubbed or your arm lightly touched as you sit in front of the TV. What about holding hands? How does that make you feel? Physical touch is not about sex, it's about feeling loved by being touched.

Gifts: Do you appreciate the thoughtfulness of a gift. This can be a card, a box of candy or something more extravagant. Usually the person who is loved by gifts lights up with the smallest token that says I thought about you.

Affirmation: Everyone wants to hear positive words of encouragement and praise. Some people thrive on affirming words. Their love tank is filled with compliments. The opposite happens when we use discouraging words and put downs. This person will take those negative words and feel defeated and unloved.

What do people do for you that makes you feel special and appreciated?

Marriage Tips...For Life

2010-02-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

Based on this comical video, Killer Marriage Tips, the following are Biblical principles to make your marriage come back to life:

Do not finish his or her sentence. James 1:19 says, My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Do not agree to spend money and then make your spouse feel guilty. If finances are tight then be honest with your concerns. Jesus says in Matthew 5:37, Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love,
Do not think of a comeback to your argument as he or she speaks. Proverbs 1:5, let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance- Ephesians 4:29, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Do not think that taking care of only your needs will meet hers or his. "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.” Philippians 2:3-4.
Do not put your spouse in a time-out or treat her inferior. Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Do not be sarcastic or a mocker. Proverbs 9:12 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

May God's Word penetrate your soul and bring life to your marriage. God can empower you to make the changes in your attitude and actions. When we change, our spouse will change. It may take time but it happens. My marriage is living proof. God only holds us accountable for our actions, we're not held accountable for our spouse. How can you bring life to your marriage today?

Dear Nana

2010-02-16T21:10:00.000-08:00

Guilt, regret, shame, despair must have tugged at your heart keeping you in pain, separated from your children and later your grandchildren. Over the years, never involved in your son’s life, I rarely saw you. I never had the grandmother that my friends had for dinner or spent the weekend with.

Life changed for you with your children and husband gone, your outer beauty faded, yet the lingering memories remained of choices made. Remarried to a man bedridden with Parkinson’s you cared for him until his death, maybe an attempt to redeem the years of self-absorption. I hope you found true love realizing your value doesn’t come from performing in bed, but living life serving others, making choices without regret based upon God’s word, and knowing His unfailing love for you.

I observed you in your wheelchair a grandmother I once longed to hold dear to my heart. In my early twenties, at the time, I struggled for the words to say in my superficial conversation. Preparing to return home with my husband I said good bye with plans to visit. Years passed and I never did.

My father called to inform me of your death. I stopped working at my desk. For a moment I listened. Would I go to your memorial servic? My life was busy building my career, pregnant with my first child, buying my first home. I had no time to mourn your loss, a woman unknown to me. But today, ten years later I wept the loss of an opportunity to reach out to a lonely woman related to me, imprisoned to a chair, longing to be loved and forgiven. I mourned for my father whose selfish daughter was unavailable during his time of loss.

From you I learned that choices impact generations. The consequences of promiscuity caused unborn children to be sacrificed by abortion. Your spouse and children were victims of abandonment through your emotional detachment and betrayal, ripped apart forever through the devastation of divorce. The legacy of infidelity and divorce passed down to your son influenced another generation; shaping society around me, my children and theirs.

Aware of your mistakes I make the choice to change the pattern set before me. I follow a narrow path. I no longer condemn you for I could have easily fallen into the same temptation, but the truth has set me free, empowered by the Spirit, my old ways are gone. I stand a new woman no longer a little girl looking for a father's love through sexual immorality.

Nana, your frail body just an outer shell of a hurting soul wounded from a past that no one will ever understand. Only God can fully know how deep the suffering brought your way of choices made. From Him a plan of healing that surpasses earthly wisdom is granted to all that choose to follow. Now, gone to a place uncertain, you leave behind your pain that others bare with lessons to be learned. Grateful for the life brought through your son, my father, I live today. Forgive me my neglect, for not reaching out to you, to show you mercy and compassion, for I had none to give.

Remembering you,
Your Grandaughter

What is Love?

2010-02-12T15:32:00.000-08:00

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.” Proverbs 3:3,4.

What is love? It’s such an abstract word. There are times we can feel the emotion of love towards someone whom we adore or we are infatuated with, yet these feelings will fade when we have unmet expectations and disappointments. We can decide to love a person who’s not lovable. Love wants the best for someone. Love is a decision not a feeling.

The Bible explains that by being patient and kind we love someone. We demonstrate love by not being jealous, but rejoicing for what other’s have materially, successfully, or in their appearance. We show love when we are humble and grateful. Love is respectful to everyone and generous. Love doesn’t get angry over small things and love keeps no record of the wrong doing of others. In other words discuss the problem, wipe the slate clean, and move on with forgiveness. Love delights in good and rejoices with the truth. Love protects you and others. Love is able to trust people. Love has hope for others to do better and hope of a better tomorrow. Love perseveres through the difficult times.

The first four commandments describe how we are to love God. The remaining six commandments describe how we are to love one another. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment of them all is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

God loves us. In His perfect love he was willing to sacrifice his own desires to do what was best for us, which was to take all our sin upon himself, pouring out his blood on our behalf. For two thousand years God prepared his people by having them sacrifice a perfect lamb for the atonement of sin. Jesus came to us to die, paying the penalty for our past, present and future bad choices, mistakes we made in our ignorance, and our direct disobedience of his Word. His death allows us to live in Heaven once we believe that He saved us from an eternal death by inviting him into our heart. Jesus is the perfect Lamb of God paid for the atonement of our sin.

People matter to God and people should matter to us. Jesus says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Jesus went to the cross because of his love for us when we were still rebellious and against him.

Do you love Jesus for what He did for you?
Do you love others as much as yourself?

The Adventure of Living

2010-02-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thes.5:16-18.

Each of us faces an exciting adventure through this journey called life. We confront life and death, loving and rebellious children, financial freedom and despair, faithfulness and betrayal, and good and bad health. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Along the journey of everyday life we can participate in escapades in far off lands and adventures close to home.

Right in front of my eyes is the thrill of a lifetime when I slow down to notice a hug from my child, the smell of a beautiful rose, the sincerity of a friend, the warmth of a blanket, and the sweet taste of watermelon. I’ve realized that all the gifts around me could be gone tomorrow.

When I almost lost my child to leukemia I discovered the privilege of having my family, church, and friends who all rallied around me in my time of need. I recognized the blessing of my relationships realizing I can’t assume tomorrow will come for anyone of us.

I’m learning to cherish each day as though it was my last; the last time to see my loved ones, the last time to see the beauty of a butterfly, the last time to use my legs to walk, the last time to come home, the last meal to eat, the last time to sleep in my comfortable bed. I thank God daily for the beautiful gifts he gives me in this adventure called life.

Questions for Discussion:
• What is the most rewarding adventure in your life?
• Where was your favorite place to visit far from home or nearby?
• What has been the most difficult adventure in your life?
• Did you have hope of a better tomorrow?
• What gave you strength to endure the difficult times?
• Have you ever had financial struggles?
• What do you appreciate the most about your life?
• How has God blessed you?

Suggestions for Nonverbal Communication:
Good body language builds self esteem in the person we’re communicating with by saying with our actions “you’re important to me”. Give warm approving gestures as in a nod of the head, pleasant facial expressions, open stance with uncrossed arms, and focused eye contact.

A Choice

2010-02-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

Every choice has a consequence, good or bad, that directly touches many lives. Those lives touched can be future generations. My grandfather impacted me with the decision he made in handling the loss of his wife. Feeling incapable of raising his two daughters he chose to move to Oregon to let his sister-in-law, Daisy, and brother-in-law raise them.

Daisy, a career woman, never wanted children. She had been abandoned to relatives by her mother and father during her school years growing up. Their intentions may have been good wanting her to have a proper education by going to the city school of Penora, Iowa instead of the local country school, but Daisy felt rejected by her distant parents.

At thirteen when Daisy lost her mother to breast cancer. Her father permanently abandoned her to relatives when he found another woman to marry with children of her own. Daisy had not been nurtured by her mother prior to her death nor was she nurtured by her grandparents and aunt, on her mother’s side of the family, when she moved in with them after her father remarried.

It follows then that Daisy would not be the nurturing mother figure for her two nieces after their mother’s death. Admired for the sacrifice she made to raise them, she was unable to emotionally give them the comfort, empathy, and closeness they needed growing up without a mother. Daisy followed the pattern demonstrated by her role models.

It only makes sense then that Daisy’s niece, Patricia, raised her three children much the same way as Daisy raised her. Discovering Daisy’s past history and the way Daisy raised my mother, Patricia, I have evaluated my own mothering techniques. I have chosen to stay home with my children instead of working outside the home as my mother and Daisy did. I’m now at home available to give my children the emotional and physical attention they need.

Unfortunately, I was unaware of my parenting style when my four year old daughter told me, “Mommy, you love this house more than you love me.” Ouch. That hurt! Thankfully Kayla was perceptive and verbal to share her thoughts with me. I began to change my emphasis from being neurotic about a clean house to putting more focus on my relationships with my children.

We have a choice to make when we recognize a pattern of behavior that has been passed down from past generations. When my daughter Kayla told me that I loved the house more than I loved her I had to look at why she would say such a thing. I saw the pattern of neglect and I began to slowly change with God’s help. With four kids and two dogs I made the choice to let go of the clean house and focus on my children!

Questions for Discussion:
• Are you aware of doing something that has been passed on from prior generations?
• Can you think of something your grandfather or grandmother did that you might do, good or bad?
• Have you stopped a cycle of destructive behavior?
• Do you see your children doing something you do?
• Did you ever put more emphasis on doing things instead of investing in relationships?
• What did you learn from your role models that you’re proud of?

Suggestions for Change:
Think about the things you do that your parents did. Ask God to help you through a prayer like David’s in Psalm 139:22-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Empowered to Love

2010-02-05T20:52:00.000-08:00

My life changed when I discovered God's love for me. For years I lived emotionally detached, numb to the world around me, hiding my feelings behind a facade. Past shame, unforgiveness, and fear prevented me from loving God, others and myself, until He revealed himself to me. I accepted His sacrifice on my behalf to experience His forgiveness, His joy and His peace in the midst of my struggles. I have tasted and seen the things of God.

He pursues us wanting nothing more than our love for Him and for others. We are chosen. Once we meet Him at the well, we experience His living water, we never thirst again. He quenches our desire for the things of this world, we have eyes to see the needs of others, we are the love of Jesus to those put in our path moment by moment. We bless the clerk at the grocery store with a conversation that says we care, we give to the needy as millions have done in Haiti, we comfort the broken hearted who have lost loved ones, we speak words of encouragement and affirm those in our life. We demonstrate His love for His name sake.

Once we experience Him personally we are forever changed. His love motivates us to love others. Equipped with the Holy Spirit to love the unlovable, to love as Jesus did, we push on even when we fall. We have a choice. Do we believe His great and precious promises, do we seek to find Him day by day, or do we forget and reject what He has done for you and me?

Be empowered to love as you discover what prevents you from loving. Learn ways to love yourself, to conquer fear, and forgive those who hurt you. Discover the way God designed you and shaped you for the purpose to love. Attend my eight week class at the Rock church in San Diego on Monday nights 6:30-8:30, Feb.1 through Mar. 22. Sign-up to attend one or all eight at the Rock University website today. Unable to attend? Look for future details. May God pour His blessings upon you as you love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31).

Daisy's Crazy Quilt

2010-01-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.” Philippians 2:4.

My Aunt Daisy took creative time to express herself through her sewing. In her retirement years she spent many hours piecing together an intricate pattern of brightly colored odd shaped fabric pieces making a crazy quilt. Various stitches and trims accented the random design, bordered by long strips of raspberry red and chartreuse green taffeta, that created a masterpiece.

One chilly morning in January, when Daisy was ninety-seven years old, we sat around the kitchen table at my mother’s home to record some of Daisy’s stories, which inspired us to get out the crazy quilt. We spread the quilt across the table to admire her workmanship. Macular Degeneration had stolen most of Daisy’s eyesight, yet she crouched down a few inches away from her artwork to see and feel the odd shaped pieces of fabric detailed with decorative stitches. She delighted in the accomplishment attained during a time in her life when her eyesight permitted her to express her creativity through her sewing.

Today, as her family, we have the privilege of having this “crazy quilt” that in many ways represents Daisy’s vibrant personality, her crazy behavior at times, and the patchwork of a life pieced together in many odd circumstances to create a unique individual that touched many lives. Though she looked after her own interests, she also looked out for the interest of others.

Through the familiar gnawing pains of hunger in Daisy’s youth God used this woman in her retirement years to make a difference in a hungry world. Thirty cents from a generous friend in college bought Daisy a cup of coffee and half a sandwich during the days she could not afford to eat. Daisy volunteered many hours to feeding the hungry over twenty-five years through an organization she founded called FISH, Friends In Service Here. Her countless hours organizing food donors, filling grocery bags, and doing the bookkeeping allowed for hungry people to satisfy their stomachs, which turned into satisfaction for a determined Daisy Hansen.

Daisy’s devotion to give back to her community was fueled by her concern for others and her taking the time to do the things she enjoyed through sewing, gardening and reading. With the creative expression of my aunt we inherited the intricate design of a crazy quilt that reflects the woman we came to know and admire. What “crazy quilt” will you leave for your family?

God's Wake-Up Call

2009-12-17T08:59:00.000-08:00

Every Christmas when we put up lights I'm reminded of my wake-up call several years ago. From my bed I looked over at the alarm clock that read 2:00 am. My mind went to the Christmas lights and inflatable snowman in the front yard the kids and I put up earlier that day. A strong sense came over me to look out my daughter's front window to ensure no fire danger from the lights. I wanted to stay comfortable under the warm covers, but a persistent thought nudged me to look outside.

Plodding down the hallway to my daughter's room I peered out the window to look at the lights, but immediately my attention went to the empty driveway. Where my large eight passenger SUV was usually parked. Shocked that my car was stolen I hurried to my bedroom to nudge my husband from his deep sleep, while I grabbed my cell phone to call the police.

Meanwhile my husband noticed that the front door was unlocked indicating that someone in my family may have left the house. Suspecting our oldest daughter I went to her room to investigate. Under her covers were pillows lined up that deceived me into thinking she was asleep.

When I called my daughter on her cell phone she confessed that she had driven the SUV across town to her friend's house. My daughter had just turned sixteen, but still had not taken any driving courses nor been behind the wheel of a car that I knew of, let alone my huge Suburban.

Calling the police back to tell them that it was my daughter who stole my car I was faced with a decision. The dispatcher asked, "Do you still want to file a report?" Upon gathering more information from the police my daughter could be taken out of the vehicle at gun-point. I thought, this might teach her a lesson. Then I considered the worse case scenario, what if she was shot on accident by a police officer.

I decided to cancel the report but give the police the address where my daughter was parked unable to start the car due to a dead battery. Two police cars were at the location when my husband and I arrived. My daughter was in the back of one car and her friend in the other. When the police asked me what I wanted to do, I contemplated sending her to juvenile hall knowing she needed a severe consequence. Stealing a car was a felony and this incident would permanently mark her record.

After careful consideration and prayer I made no official charges against her, but gave her the consequence of not getting her driver's license until she was eighteen. She reminded me over the next two years when I drove her around town that I suffered from her consequence more than she did. How often that is true, as parents the tough choice to discipline our children usually involves that we pay the inconvenience of their consequence.

Deep down I knew she paid for not having the freedom to drive where she wanted when she wanted. As hard as it was I stuck to my decision and we both paid the price for her wrong doing. She learned a lesson: her choices impacted others.

I marvel at how God woke me up to take care of my little girl. I praise Him for what He has done in her life and our relationship as I set boundaries and communicated love with consequences. I always pray that my children will get caught when disobedient. This way they can suffer a consequence for a bad choice instead of getting away with something and never learning a lesson at a young age, possibly suffering a more severe consequence later in life.

Often with my hormones changing in my mid-forties I peer over at my clock in the early morning hours. It's my wake-up call to pray for my children. I stand in front of their rooms, after checking their beds, to pray specifically for their protection, good choices, godly character, and that I will have wisdom on how to raise and train my children in the ways of the Lord.

When God wakes you up, what will you do?

Conquering Homosexuality

2009-12-05T21:38:00.000-08:00

For twelve years James Hartline has battled the AIDS virus, a disease that he acquired in his former life of promiscuity, drug abuse and homosexuality. For ten years now, he has made a stand to declare to America that there is a way out of the destruction of homosexuality and its many diabolical consequences. James proclaims the power of God to heal, deliver and correct the soul bound up in sin and sickness. He is living proof that God's word is true and His power to transform the prisoner of sin is available to all who will humble themselves and receive Jesus Christ as Messiah, Savior, Deliverer and Healer.

James Hartline shares his story of victory:

I was formed in the darkness. I was born in the darkness. I was shackled at birth and sentenced to a very deadly outcome. From the womb I came into a world where I was beaten everyday for fourteen years. From the maelstrom of the madness of abusive parents, I was carted away by juvenile authorities and placed in a state children's home for my own protection. My path was chosen for me by those who shuffle children around like gamblers shuffle cards at a casino poker table.

Homosexuality, drugs, stealing, and depression became the constants in my life. I eventually spent nineteen years in state prison for stealing to support my wasted life. Suicide attempts and mental self-destruction would become a regular part of my incarcerations.
For two decades of my adult life I was chained in despair, a phantom life that was plundered by the devil, but preserved by God for something profound, something churning in the mystery of God's mind, something that would shake the very construct of hell's plans.

I was released from prison in 1997. That year, I would be infected with the AIDS virus. I had no formal education. I barely had a high school diploma. I had no money, no reputation, no standing in society. I was the mud on the bottom of the government's boot, an ex-con with a burned out mind and a deadly disease in my body.

Simply the Hand of God plucked me from the grip of a satanic plot to destroy the prophetic assignment that God Almighty has appointed for me. It has always been this way with God. He chooses the foolish things to confound the wise. God appoints the weakest and least qualified men and women to perform His most difficult works upon the earth. For in our weaknesses He makes us strong. When we are uneducated and impoverished, the Master of Heaven and Earth qualifies us and empowers us. "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

James has been instrumental in shutting down fourteen pornographic stores in San Diego. The most recent store had a children's video section in the front part of the business and an entire porn video section in the back of the business. Men could go into the store and look at the pornographic videos behind curtains.
The gay lifestyle which is still, by a wide margin, the leading cause of HIV transmissions in the United States. The Center for Disease Control recently released a report that shows men who have sex with other men is the only group in America that shows a rise in the rate of HIV transmissions.
As American taxpayers we gave billions of dollars to homosexual activists under the naive ideas of HIV prevention, education and condom use. Gay activists have pilfered the billions of tax dollars and used them to promote homosexuality, gay marriage and their radicalized vision of enshrining gay activism as a cultural stepping stone to an antichristian government. AIDS continues to spread like wildfire in gay communities, not because of a lack of scientific education, condoms and resources.

With conviction to make a difference in the community of San Diego James fights for righteousness. He consistently takes a stand at City Counsel meetings to shut down gay bath houses and adult book stores that promote immoral conduct. James said, "I don't know how long I have left on this earth, but I am determined to run my race until I leave." He refers to the scripture, "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it." 1Corinthians 9:24.

James Hartline is running his race of life with an eternal perspective and he's running it well. Article was written in conjunction with James Hartline.

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What's On Your List?

2009-11-27T09:07:00.000-08:00

With 15.7 million people unemployed in America today retailers can only hope and pray that the slashed prices of hot items on Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year, will draw the customer into their stores to spend the little money they have for the sake of giving a gift.

What about rethinking our gift giving this year? What if this year instead of going into debt, scouring the department stores for the perfect item, pushing people over to get through the doors we stopped for a minute to recognize the true needs of others.

We could take the focus off of the list of items to focus on the people on our list. Not reaching into our pocket but reaching into our heart for the perfect gift. What would this gift look like? According to Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, people feel loved according to acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. By the way, the person who feels loved by gifts feels most loved by the thought, not necessarily the most expensive and perfect gift.

As a society we have placed so much emphasis on the gift instead of the giving. What if we took the time to understand someone's love language and told them this year, "I want to give you the gift of love by loving you according to your language."

The true gift of love is sacrifice. Most often the sacrifice of a few dollars will never leave a lasting impression, but the gift of sacrificing to love someone in the way they feel loved will speak volumes, especially when we normally do not feel comfortable loving that way. Can you imagine if you discovered that your daughter's love language is quality time and you said to her I want to take you to lunch every other weekend? How would that impact her life and yours? My husband did this with both our daughters. By making the sacrifice of time the dynamics of their relationships changed and all have been blessed.

On any given night my son Cameron slides close to me on the couch, with puppy eyes he asks, "will you rub my back?" I decided to experiment on my thirteen year old son with the idea of giving the gift of his love language for Christmas. I knew he wanted a cell phone, since all his friends have one, but his love language is physical touch.
"Honey," I pleaded, "what if we can't afford a phone, can I rub your feet instead?"

He looked up at me shaking his head, "No Mom, I really need a phone." Okay, maybe my high hopes of changing the focus from a monetary gift to give the gift of love won't work on my son who is desperate to communicate with his friends.

Discovering our love languages as a family has enabled us to love eachother better throughout the year and save us money. In fact, my love language is words of affirmation, the first clue that my love language was not receiving gifts was that I usually took back the gift or at least wanted to. When I communicated to my husband that gifts were unimportant to me he was thrilled to save loads of time and stress searching for the perfect item. When it comes right down to the perfect gift I want my husband to tell me he adores me and that I'm the best wife and mother of anyone he knows. I would rather have the gift of his love than any monetary item.

Normally the easy gift to give is one of monetary value. Today reevaluate who's on your list, take the time to discover how you can love them, and make the sacrifice to step outside your comfort zone to love according to their love language. The retailers may not be happy with their sales figures, but we can create family unity and joy with the gift of our love. A lasting gift.

What Is Your Identity?

2009-11-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

When we finish our education whether it’s a high school diploma, a trade certificate, bachelors, masters, or doctorate degree we have an expectation of achieving great success in our careers. Initially we spend endless hours working to climb the ladder with anticipation to attain a position that will give us the status and salary we desire.

Often times our careers dictate who we are by our title. A doctor, lawyer, CEO, Vice President, a famous athlete or an actor can elevate us to a position of honor. For years I valued my identity as a Nordstrom buyer until I lost that position and lost my identity. The fact is that our occupation is no more our identity than a lion is a zoo. My job was my god. I had to be stripped of that god to find the one true God.

Once we recognize what Christ did on the cross by taking all of our sin upon himself, to stand before a Holy God forgiven and cleansed of all unrighteousness, we know our true identity. When we invite him into our heart we become a Prince or Princess, an heir to the throne of heaven, adopted into the family of God our Father. We then become ambassadors sharing the love of Jesus as ministers of the gospel. The title of Christian, follower of Christ, should take preference over any title we have at work. What is your identity?

A Heart of Humility

2009-11-16T03:49:00.000-08:00

People can be cruel. Labels and put-downs can play back in our mind over and over again until we believe the lie, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many times people tear down others to build themselves up, because of their own insecurity and low self-confidence from childhood pain. When we recognize bullying, put downs, and labels as not about us, but about the hurt child within the attacker, we can move past the pain of our own suffering and actually have empathy for the abuser.

Jeanine was abandoned by her mother. One day her mother dropped her off at kindergarten, divorced her father, and moved away without saying goodbye to her little girl. Jeanine experienced shame from the rejection of her mother and the humiliation of not having a mother in her life.

Jeanine lived at her grandparent’s home with her young father who used sex, drugs and alcohol to cover up his pain. Her handsome father and uncles had the reputation for being sexually permissive during their high school years. Growing up in the same house Jeanine adopted the same label of “promiscuous family” from the gossipy towns people who knew her family history. She began to identify with this label, feeling judged and separated from her girlfriends and their parents.

As an adult Jeanine had deep rooted pain from these labels and the shame of her youth that caused her to loathe herself. This was revealed by her fearful nightmares over the years. When we met she had little trust for women, yet God was tugging on her heart to join my Bible study. One day I showed up at her house unexpectedly to drop something off as she was agonizing over her past and crying out to God. She invited me in to sit down, convinced that God had brought me to her. When she shared her painful past for the first time I prayed for Jesus to comfort, heal and restore her life.

When we acknowledge our need for God we give God the opportunity to bless our lives. He will give us courage to face our pain, hope to heal our brokenness, and strength to forgive those who hurt us. Miraculously Jeanine’s daunting dreams vanished and she gained self-worth by discovering God’s love for her through studying the Bible.

As she brought her shame into the light by sharing her pain with me, giving me the opportunity to pray for her, and having a heart of humility she became more sensitive to the pain of others. For the first time Jeanine saw the pain of her mother’s childhood and the guilt of her mother’s decision to leave that had plagued their relationship over the years, leading her to a place of acceptance and forgiveness of her mother.

Jeanine’s choice to detach and hold on to resentment toward her mother and women prolonged her suffering and destroyed her relationships. She recognized that her own destructive behavior and distrust for women were sabotaging her friendships. When she chose humility by following God’s principals her relationship with God, her mother, and women began to flourish. Have you become sensitive to the pain of others or have you held on to resentment and become bitter?

The Bible says, "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil," (1 Peter 3:8-12).

How High Is Your Wall?

2009-11-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

After my fourth child was born I insisted we buy a larger house for our family. My husband teases me that he gives me an inch and I take a mile. It was true, especially back then. When he said to look for a house in a certain price range I pushed the envelope. We bought a home that made him feel financially burdened and stressed. And for the first time in our thirteen years of marriage we fought.

During the course of our marriage my husband made all the decisions, voiced his opinion, and got his way, because I let him. But with the house and landscaping I wanted to make some decisions. Quite honestly, I wanted it my way and I stood my ground.

The facade of a perfect marriage crumbled as I disagreed with my husband for the first time. Digging deep into my heart and my past I exposed the rocks of resentment, anger, and pain that were buried under the surface, hidden in the depths of denying my feelings for years.

I started looking at the rocks that I was uncovering and I started throwing them by lashing out with anger. I built a wall around my heart with the rocks of pain, sorrow and regret. The more I resented him the deeper I dug myself into a pit of despair. Here Jesus met me. He extended his hand and I grabbed on. He lifted me out and put me on solid ground as I clung to his promises from the word of God.

I rejoice in what God has done to change me. I relate to King David when he proclaimed, "I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD (Psalm 40:1-3).

Are you in the pit? Have you built a rock wall around your heart? Know that God is with you. He will take you out of the pit. He can soften your heart when you seek Him and give Him praise. Focus on your blessings and what He wants to do in and through you. Check out my article on How To Conquer Fear.

Power of Positioning

2009-11-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

Craig Wormald serves as Chairman of the Board of Directors of Business Life Ministry at the Rock Church and Senior Partner of EquiGrowth. At last weeks networking meeting the audience got a taste of Craig’s sense of humor. He expressed his gratefulness to be living in America since 2007 represented by the powerful, stoic and graceful eagle as our national bird compared to his home country of New Zealand known for its scrawny, flightless and awkward national bird, the Kiwi.

To set the stage for his insightful teaching, The Power of Positioning, Craig quoted Ian Grant, “I’m no expert; only one beggar telling another beggar where the bread is.” With that said, Craig shared about “circumstantial conditions” that God allows in life to turn us a certain direction. For Craig he grew up in a tension filled home that landed him into a foster home with strong Christian parents. They challenged him to make Jesus his Savior and the Lord of his life as a teenager by reading the Bible daily. Craig admitted he was in no-man’s land for seven years with one foot in church and the other in the world until he dedicated his personal and business life to honor and glorify God.

God molded Craig’s entrepreneurial spirit at the early age of eleven with his first lawn mowing business where he had ideas of franchising to the neighbor boys to make a profit before the concept was materialized in the marketplace years later. In his early teens Craig began a door to door home delivery service of groceries, bottled milk, and newspapers. By the age of seventeen he had bought, refurbished and sold forty-one cars for profit. His entrepreneurial ideas never stopped there. He developed a prototype for motorcycle helmets with windshield wipers and a hydraulic wheelchair. Craig’s lack of financial resources and inexperience at his young age allowed his inventions to come to fruition by others. Craig owned a yacht brokerage and marine marketing business, and loved the challenge of start-up companies as well as turning businesses from the red to record profits.

Craig’s business advice to men: listen to the Holy Spirit who will often speak through your wife and your mother. Craig’s honesty and transparency revealed that a risky venture left him suffering the financial consequences of ignoring the advice from the two women in his life that know him best. God uses Craig’s entrepreneurial experience to give back to the community as a life coach. Craig says, “The Business Life Ministry is a perfect marriage for him of a priestly expression of a Kingly calling.” He and other business entrepreneurs at the Rock Church are serving the Lord by training up business owners in the San Diego community to impact their world.

At the Business Life Networking meeting Craig directed the attendees to 2 Kings Chapter two where Elisha positioned himself to receive a double portion of Elijah’s blessing from the Lord. In business we must position ourselves around like-minded people who are anointed like Elijah to be used and blessed by God. Elisha made a calculated decision to not let go of the goal. He persevered after Elijah determined to receive the blessing. Elisha said to Elijah, “As surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” He pursued the anointed man of God and never stopped looking to his Master in heaven for the spiritual blessing.

In business we must evaluate our gifts and talents then measure the fruit of our success. Craig said to stop complaining about hard times and start stepping out in faith to trust God and make things happen, referring to a quote that God never moves parked cars. Power of positioning commands results by being prepared and working hard for what you want. Craig suggested we evaluate our work ethics to align ourselves with godly principles. Often our reward will not come if we are not respectful and responsible with our single portion. People want glamour and profits but refuse to show day to day courtesy of returning phone calls, following through on commitments, and showing up to meetings on time. For God to bless us we must work diligently with all our heart, with integrity as though working for the Lord, not for men, (Colossians 3:23).

Most importantly as Christians in the marketplace we must position ourselves with Almighty God by being in daily prayer, in his Word, and asking for the double portion blessing so that we may receive what we ask for in faith. Ultimately we need to bring glory to God by using our gifts and talents to make a difference in the marketplace for Christ and to further His Kingdom.

The vision of the Business Life Ministry and Work Ministry at the Rock Church is to be a resource to develop skills through mentors, business classes, Biblical teaching, networking and dedicating businesses to honor God. To find out more information about monthly meetings go to The Business Life Ministry at the Rock Church http://therocksandiego.org/ministries/business/. Or contact: Work Ministry Leader Paige Cohen at workministry@therocksandiego.org. Business Life Ministry Leader Cyrus Rapinan at busnines@therocksandiego.org.

Who Will You Follow?

2009-11-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

Eager to find out why my fellow coffee shop patron welcomed a homeless man last Friday into our local Starbucks I sat down next to Bill for the rest of his story. He had mentioned he once was homeless at the age of fourteen. I discovered over a latte that he lived in a car behind a gas station where he worked for a year and a half when his parents abandoned him and his three siblings. Bill’s alcoholic father chose to continue drinking and go down the road of homelessness for fifteen years. Bill’s mother chose to run off to another state with another man. All four children took different paths.

For Bill, God used a disabled woman to speak words of truth into his life at the early age of thirteen, while this same woman provided help for Bill’s older sister who went through rehab. Later God provided a business man who hired Bill to work construction. He allowed Bill to study for two hours during lunch breaks to prepare for the exam to obtain the equivalency of a high school diploma. Bill’s hard work and aligning himself with people he respected equipped him to take the steps to get a higher education. Over the years he has owned and sold several businesses. As a committed father and husband he chose a higher road.

Daily we have a choice to make. Who will we follow? We can choose to follow the negative aspects of our parents. Or we can choose to follow the path our friend's are making. Or we can align ourselves with someone who has godly character, is anointed by God, and who bases their decisions off of what God says. That person may not have all the material riches in his or her life, but you can see that person has the peace, strength, integrity, wisdom, and loving kindness of a successful life through a relationship with the living God.

Who are you following? Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life," (John 8:12). Do you need to realign yourself with those who are heading toward the light away from the darkness of this evil world? Take steps in the right direction. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. Only through me can you come to the Father.”

God Can Make A New Normal

2009-10-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

The barista called out, “Kirsten your latte’s ready.” I smiled and thanked the familiar young woman behind the counter as I grabbed my drink. This was my home away from home. Daily I came to partake in the friendly atmosphere of this coffee shop, mingle with employees and regulars, always open to meeting a new friend. Yet I never expected a homeless man.

When I headed toward the door I stopped to chat with Dan, a recently retired military officer, who occupied the comfortable leather chair on many mornings. I asked, “What do you have planned today?”

He said, “The usual,” which meant not a lot.

“You know what you should do?” Not waiting for him to answer I continued to boldly tell him to go down to the San Diego Rescue Mission to find out how he could volunteer. In the middle of my conversation the door flew open and a tall scrubby bearded man with filthy clothes and worn out shoes plopped down on the leather chair next to Dan, separated only by a small table and a different life experience.

Knowing a God encounter when I see one, I turned to the unfamiliar man slumped over and said, “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

He lifted his head when he heard my voice, our eyes met, and he nodded with enthusiasm, “Sure. I would like that.”

When I returned with the coffee the homeless man politely thanked me for the kind gesture. Delighted to make his day I asked, “So what brings you to this community?”

And that’s when I learned his story. He had lived in this area twenty-four hears ago before his parents sold their home to move to Ohio. At the time Mark was twenty-five years old and still living at home. When his parents packed boxes to move across country Mark loaded a back-pack to walk a different direction. And he never stopped. What became comfortable became normal.

I discovered Mark knew God’s Word by reading the Gideon Bible he had stolen from a motel. Aware that Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty of his sin he confessed, “I like my beer, but I know God wants me to stop drinking and start helping people.” Sitting inches from him I heard the clarity of his mind, coherent of his past, and self-aware of his pride that prevented him from getting help.

I proclaimed, “God has a plan and a purpose for your life. You’re going to clean-up real well. God is going to use you in a mighty way to help others. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit when you invited Jesus into your heart. You need to start taking care of what God has blessed you with. It’s a miracle you're even alive. God has protected you all these years.”

The weathered face of this forty-nine year old man grinned under his large crooked nose and said, "You have no idea what God has saved me from,” nodding as he reminisced in his thoughts, “I'm very thankful."

Talking to this man convicted me of how much I had to be thankful for. We had taken two different paths, but God had brought us together in a coffee shop for a purpose. In awe of God I explained, "This is no accident that you walked in here in the middle of my conversation with Dan about the Rescue Mission. I recommend you go to the Mission today to check into their year long program.” I marveled at how the previous day I had viewed the website to see all the resources and pictures of what this facility offered this homeless man.

Mark sat up in his chair encouraged by my message. He said, “I have a bus pass. I can take the bus downtown.” Then Dan looked-up the address on his phone for me before he left. With a furrowed brow Mark looked into my eyes and asked, “Do you have to leave too?” disappointment filled his voice, “I thought you could hang out with me all day.”

We laughed and I said, “Let’s go outside.” As we walked toward the warmth of the sun I asked, “Can I pray for you?” He welcomed my prayer. I laid my hand on his shoulder thanking God for my new friend. I asked God to protect Mark, to give him courage to go to the Mission to get the help he needed, to be delivered of his desire for beer, and for God to use him in a mighty way. When my prayer ended I recognized how his countenance had changed from when I first met him. I asked, “Do you promise to go today?”

He promised me, but then he asked if I would be at the coffee shop the next day. I could see the war raging between what he should do and what he wanted to do as Paul talks about in the Bible. "I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway," (Romans 7:19 NLT). I insisted, “You need to go to the Mission and we’ll be in touch through my acquaintance there. He wrote her name and my name on a small piece of paper. I gave Mark a hug hoping and praying he would take the steps in the right direction for God to make a new normal.

For more information on how to help the homeless go to http://www.sdrescue.org/.

A Call To Community

2009-10-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

What is your mat? Fear. Pride. Anger. Pain. A paralytic man had four faithful friends that carried him on his mat to see Jesus in the book of Mark chapter two. The crowded house where Jesus taught kept the men from entering the home in the traditional way, through the door, yet these men stopped at nothing. From the rooftop they lowered their paralytic friend down with ropes to be healed by Jesus. The faith of these desperate friends allowed this young man to receive the forgiveness of sin and the ability to walk by the power and authority of Jesus Christ.

When we become involved in a community of Christians we allow people to come along side us through a difficult time, to carry us on our mat, so that eventually we can help others through their struggles. God promises in 2Corinthians 1:4 that we have a God of comfort and compassion, “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

I faced the fear of unemployment, the fear of my son dying from leukemia; the pain of abandonment, date rape, and abortion; the struggles of marriage and trying to train and teach my teenagers. I was even stuck on the mat of unbelief for years. When I humbled myself, admitting my need for help, I reached out to a group of women to study the Bible. I received prayer, encouragement, and accountability that changed my life.

I realized Jesus not only sits at the right hand of God in heaven, but he is with us in our darkest hour, in our valley. We are not alone. Jesus is by our side. We must allow the body of Christ, the church, to come alongside us to experience the love of Jesus through His people.

What is your mat? Do you need the support of a community to help you through a difficult time? Or maybe Jesus has brought you through a struggle where you can be that person that comes alongside someone who is hurting. This is the time to get off your mat, to get involved in a community of Christians, to do life together. Email me to help find a Bible teaching church in your area.