A Heart of Humility

People can be cruel. Labels and put-downs can play back in our mind over and over again until we believe the lie, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many times people tear down others to build themselves up, because of their own insecurity and low self-confidence from childhood pain. When we recognize bullying, put downs, and labels as not about us, but about the hurt child within the attacker, we can move past the pain of our own suffering and actually have empathy for the abuser.

Jeanine was abandoned by her mother. One day her mother dropped her off at kindergarten, divorced her father, and moved away without saying goodbye to her little girl. Jeanine experienced shame from the rejection of her mother and the humiliation of not having a mother in her life.

Jeanine lived at her grandparent’s home with her young father who used sex, drugs and alcohol to cover up his pain. Her handsome father and uncles had the reputation for being sexually permissive during their high school years. Growing up in the same house Jeanine adopted the same label of “promiscuous family” from the gossipy towns people who knew her family history. She began to identify with this label, feeling judged and separated from her girlfriends and their parents.

As an adult Jeanine had deep rooted pain from these labels and the shame of her youth that caused her to loathe herself. This was revealed by her fearful nightmares over the years. When we met she had little trust for women, yet God was tugging on her heart to join my Bible study. One day I showed up at her house unexpectedly to drop something off as she was agonizing over her past and crying out to God. She invited me in to sit down, convinced that God had brought me to her. When she shared her painful past for the first time I prayed for Jesus to comfort, heal and restore her life.

When we acknowledge our need for God we give God the opportunity to bless our lives. He will give us courage to face our pain, hope to heal our brokenness, and strength to forgive those who hurt us. Miraculously Jeanine’s daunting dreams vanished and she gained self-worth by discovering God’s love for her through studying the Bible.

As she brought her shame into the light by sharing her pain with me, giving me the opportunity to pray for her, and having a heart of humility she became more sensitive to the pain of others. For the first time Jeanine saw the pain of her mother’s childhood and the guilt of her mother’s decision to leave that had plagued their relationship over the years, leading her to a place of acceptance and forgiveness of her mother.

Jeanine’s choice to detach and hold on to resentment toward her mother and women prolonged her suffering and destroyed her relationships. She recognized that her own destructive behavior and distrust for women were sabotaging her friendships. When she chose humility by following God’s principals her relationship with God, her mother, and women began to flourish. Have you become sensitive to the pain of others or have you held on to resentment and become bitter?

The Bible says, "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil," (1 Peter 3:8-12).